I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
