I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
