i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
