Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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