my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize