He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
do nipples grow back?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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