glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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