I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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