A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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