Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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