yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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