Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize