please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
