I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
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