I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
