My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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