My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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