There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
