the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
