Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
