best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
