So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
