Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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