no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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