i think i have herpe
just one?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
