What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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