yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
