I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
