i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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