Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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