Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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