He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
