i barfeds in our rink
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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