So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
