we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
