I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Randomize
