so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
