At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
