I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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