Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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