i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
