your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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