I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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