He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
