I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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