Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
