Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
