You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
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Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk