pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?