Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it