I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just want cinnabon and vodka.