You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
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IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son