it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.