let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
