I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
