My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
