capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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