Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
