You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
