Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
