In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
